…CANADIANS NEED YOU
A GOOD CAUSE… PLEASE CONSIDER HELPING… CANADIANS NEED YOU!!
Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation
are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary
level.
And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of
their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of
the upcoming lockout situation.
But you can help!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day you can help an
NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This
contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual
minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!
Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a
hockey player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout
golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred
dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, half a mortgage payment, or a
month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially
replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to
buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new
Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the
player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k),
real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your
home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned
photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in
the Caribbean (…for a signed photo, please include an additional
$150…). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other
people’s suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?
Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who
just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your
name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special
operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference
is (check below):
[ ] Forward
[ ] Defenseman
[ ] Goaltender
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost
of a specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day).
Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the
duration of the lockout.
Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along
with a Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow
pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).
Your Name: _
Account #:
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
---------------------------------------
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necessarily reflect those of the National Hockey League.
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===========================
Count me in, Eh?
Peace,
-Ed
…
Soccer is a little difficult in a country that’s under snow for a significant part of the year so Canadians invented hockey to beat each other up by.
Actually, it may prove interesting to have a hockey-less winter. NOTE TO FOREIGN NATIONS - this winter would be an excellent time to invade Canada!
Ali,
You know how us wee bastards are here in America. 
dave
Checks in the mail. I borrowed some cash from an NBA player.
TG
All I can say is: Flint Generals! 
Maybe this winter would be a good time for Canada to invade…there will be folks available to fight the war…
…this isn’t going to have any impact on Curling I hope. I don’t watch Hockey but I do watch that on CBUT…and I keep waiting for the next steroid scandal but I have a feeling it will be a long wait.
| Quote (phoo @ Sep. 24 2004,11:00) |
| ....this isn't going to have any impact on Curling I hope. I don't watch Hockey but I do watch that on CBUT.... |
"It's a thingy! A fiendish thingy!"