Happy Birthday Bill
OK, it wasn’t a little bird (in case you think I’ve gone mad and think that there are talking birds)… I see on FB that the 6th is Bill’s birthday (which is today here in the antipodes).
So…
H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y B I L L
Have a great day.
Happy birthday, you old regular! 
old regular sod indeed… 
but seriously Happy, Joy, Joy
eh, Mark you could “talk” (communicate) with crows and I wouldn’t call you crazy, thems is some smart animals!
although I can’t imagine how you are going to interpret their responses 
dontcare
Yep…the all seeing, all knowing FB alerted me also HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILL!!
Hi to All You n-Trackers:
Thanks for the Birthday wishes and greetings I found in my FaceBook Mail this morning…
I haven’t got to all of the Greetings yet…
BUT I will as the day goes on…
It’s nice to have cyber friends like all of you…
Believe me…
Then, I found this in my mailbox…
Too…
And-As-Well…
I searched for some way to pass this on to you…
Alas…
This is the only way I could best find to do it…
This is especially for all you Americans…
Hope you see the Funnies, InIt…
I did…
Anyway…
[Quote}
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
(You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron , will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u’’ and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Now, it’s off to work, for the afternoon…
Bill…
edit
Could it be that this applies to “Bluenosers” as well?
ha ha… that’s excellent.
I bit my tongue a couple of times, but I couldn’t help myself… till I put it in the post… It could have very well been written by an American, anyway…
If I was a better History Buff, I’d say it goes straight to the sore points…
Most Western Countries have their Political Grit…
Including Canada… Maybe, that’s why democracy is always a Work-in-Progress…
Today, the Stock Markets are taking a Big Dive…
Good thing I didn’t tender my notice, yet…
Anyway, I’m treating myself to a Want-ta-Be Pizza for supper…
Too bad it’s not the “Real Thing”… It’s still got lots of Cholesterol and Sodium in it…
I should have looked to see if I could have gotten a feed of Cod Tongues…
<<
Poor Man’s Scollops…
Bill…
I’ve left the door open… I’m holding my breath, waiting to see if TomS makes a reply… hehe
Quote: (dontcare @ Sep. 05 2011, 10:44 PM)
old regular sod indeed....
but seriously Happy, Joy, Joy
eh, Mark you could "talk" (communicate) with crows and I wouldn't call you crazy, thems is some smart animals!
although I can't imagine how you are going to interpret their responses
dontcare
Hi Jerm:
I'll bet you saw that documentary regarding the behaviour of crows..
That was fascinating to watch..
While it was on, I was glued to the TV Screen..
Now, I'll tell you One Thing..
If a crow crosses my path while I'm driving the bus OR any vehicle, for that matter, I have to roll down the window and spit out the window..
Just to be safe..
You know what I mean
? Goes for Black Cats, Toooo...
Am I superstitious, or what?
Bill..
Quote: (woxnerw @ Sep. 06 2011, 3:10 PM)
Quote: (dontcare @ Sep. 05 2011, 10:44 PM)
old regular sod indeed....
but seriously Happy, Joy, Joy
eh, Mark you could "talk" (communicate) with crows and I wouldn't call you crazy, thems is some smart animals!
although I can't imagine how you are going to interpret their responses
dontcare
Hi Jerm:
I'll bet you saw that documentary regarding the behaviour of crows..
That was fascinating to watch..
While it was on, I was glued to the TV Screen..
Erupp!
they are right up their with dolphins and chimps, amazing.
really good at facial recognition and long term memory too, so if they saw you spit out a window you can bet your a$$ they will associate you with that act and steer clear of ya a decade from now!
dontcare
Hi Jerm:
I am unable to recall exactly what I remember seeing as I watched that documentary…
However, there was something about their reasoning powers…
They were able to complete combinations of tasks to complete an end result…
AND they are able to pass their experiences on to the younger generations…
As well, there seems to be a social class order within their tribes…
I am unable to remember the plural of crows…
e.g.
one crow…
a number of crows. ?
It’s not a flock…
or a gaggle…
The two dollar question…
Don’t Google it…
What is it…
?
I remember…
It starts with the letter “M”
Bill…
yep a murder.
dontcare
If it’s shiny,there’s not very much trash that they’re gonna refuse to devour… It’s a toss-up between them and seagulls which ones leaves the most/worst “Dirt” behind when they let go…
I don’t think there’s anything you can use to protect the paint on your car…
The best thing you can do is, not to park your car under any power lines…
It’s kinda hard to explain to the Dealer when you take your “Beamer” into the Paint Shop and tell them you discovered a paint blemish on the engine bonnet of your new “Toy”…
Talk all you want about “GREEN” environment…
I guess the Wiki explains the origin of that term…
Bill…
true, birds that are not aquatic eat a lot of berries which makes for an acidic aftermath,
bloody murder on the paint jobs
dontcare