Another Ditty for review.

this ones an original

Hey guys,
I didn’t want to flood the board with two post, but I put this one in my other thread,“Holdin Back” about two or three weeks ago and it seems to have gotten lost so:
The songs called Without You, kinda punky yet boppy.

soundclick, site song title, "without you"
I don’t have the mp3 file at artist collab anymore so if it’s not to much trouble maybe someone can humble themselves and go to soundclick for it. :D

See if this works for the direct download:
without you
If that works I think it’s the first time I’ve seen a hperlink from soundclick do that!

jerm

I enjoyed this song, Jerm–I think you used those tempo/time changes effectively. It could use some tightening up and polishing as far as the performance and mix go, but my main critique of the overall song is that it doesn’t have much in the higher registers, i.e., it seems subdued and low-pitch overall. I was thinking you might either try doing it in a higher key, like G instead of C (oh yeah, push that voice!), or if that’s too much, go the simpler route and add some higher-pitched guitar embellishments (arpeggios, licks, etc.). I hear you playing some faintly during the slow “What do you do when your love says ‘Goodbye’?” part; I would bring that up some so it’s more noticable. I think another place you could throw in a little upper-register catchy guitar figure (probably distortion guitar) is just before that, during the repeating F and G chords at about 0:58 and 2:33 (I’d give you a lyrics quote so you could locate it, but the vocals are a little too low to make the lyrics out–polish that mix! :D ). It can be done without adding another guitar to your preferred 3-piece setup. The last little nit I have is that the sustained F note just before the “What do you do…” part seems to go a little long, and clashes with the music during those lyrics. I would try fading out the F before the tempo/time change begins.

Oh well, take it or leave it…there’s my $.02 US on this one. Keep it up!

Tony

thanks scantee,
I’m workin on fixing the vocal track as well as most of the things you’ve noticed. The vocals seemed to be offset at parts (two vocal tracks) I’m gonna try just doubling up a single track and see if that fixes it.–oh and bring the vocal level up.
There’s one part on the vocal track that peaks, so I kept the whole track lower in the mix to avoid that. I didn’t want to use the normalize function…but might have no choice unless I re-track. --Which I will do doupt do in the studio, just before mastering.
I thought that F was held too long at the breakdown, and the guitar too quiet as well. Maybe some doubled up guitar parts with say flanger to ad the higer register your talkin’ about… saddly, not much of a lead player.
Thanks again for the kind word of encouragement and helpin’ me identify the trouble spots on this one.
:blues:

jerm

Jerm,
That one has some serious potential.
Seemed like some of the vox “dipped” in places…And what Scantee said…if I see it in CC I’ll be all over it.

Good song-writing!

Peace,
-Ed

Yeah it’s back to the woodshed with this one. Might even try another take at the drum track. I know it needs a descent lead break, so If I would post it, you’d hve first crack at the bat. And I’d like to hear real piano in there with a heavy sustain. Somethin’ a little better quality than the keyboard I found in the garbage.
But I’m not shure if I’m even gonna post it. This one kinda wrote itself. It could use some polishin’ but things over there tend to be re-writes.
???
Anyway, it’s still needs to come a long way. I’d like to get one more melody set in there as well. welp I’m babblin’ as usual, I’m out. Got another house to gut!
Keep shinin’
Jeremys
DEMOS!


:p