Looking for feedback on the song ----
All:
While all my buddies were kayaking in the Ice Man Challenge on the Saluda River in SC, I was holed up with a “band for a day” trying to put together a scratch recording of song I’d written about 6 months ago.
Because I was after the completed track, I mic’d the room w/ a 4-track, and two condencer mics.
W/ that type of mic treatment, it obviously has a real “garage band” feel to it right now. Unfortunately, the lead guitar didn’t really cut through the mix, but I’m overdubbing everything in the studio - so it’ll be fixed later.
My request for feedback is on the song itself (as opposed to the mix) at this point.
What do you think about it?
I like this song a great deal, but if it has a weak spot, it’s the chorus.
Does anyone agree, and/ or have a suggestions, or general feedback?
All of you “old pros”, and “could have been in the pros” need to give it a listen and help me out!
The song is posted here.
KIA or The Martyr
The song is called “KIA or The Martyr.” Just click on the play button beside KIA, and it’ll start playing for you.
BTW, the inspiration for this song was a true story about a guy named Jim Elliot. You can read up on him if you’d like here:
Jim Elliot
All the best,
Iplan
What are the lyrics?
Lyrics:
KIA or The Martyr
Lyrics By Jonathan Wilson
Music By Jonathan Wilson, Matt Miller
Verse 1
They ain't found a way to shut our mouths
The Holy Spirit – He just speaks out
We made a promise – that where He leads we'll follow
Verse 2
All the tribesmen – they've made their threats
Missionary work is no safe bet
Their anger screams to me at nighttime
Chorus 1
Let's make them all martyrs (x3)
But God is on their side
Verse 3
Walking tall – we're on a mission
We say, “Bow to Jesus – get your sins forgiven -
Sin's price is death and you deserve so much better.
Verse 4
Two days later how things have changed
My buddy’s breathing is laboring
Tribesmen stabbed him with their sharpened sticks
He knows that there's no way he's going to make it.
Bridge
I'm all alone
My Buddy's gone
Verse 5
It's just me - all my friends have died.
I hear the tribesmen coming back for my life
I think I'm going to be a martyr soon.
Chorus (slightly different)
I'm going to be a martyr (x2)
Yeah, I’m going to be a martyr
But God is on my side.
Outro
Even if I die God is on my side (x3).
Copyright 2007, Jonathan Wilson 803/957-0459
All Rights Reserved
KIA or The Martyr song sounds like a garage band from the 60’s. The guitar sounds exactly like an old song from the 60’s, I can’t think of the name of the song, but it was a musical only, no vocals. I hope that a re-mix will make a difference. Just my opinion, you asked for it. Don’t give up, just keep trying.
I’ve overdubbed all of the vocals, rhythm and lead guitars, as well as the bass.
It still has the “reverby room” master track underneath.
Waiting on a drummer to overdub the drums on this song… Is anyone interested?
I’m still soliciting comments on the structure of the song. I’ve gotten used to the chorus, but I’ve wondered if it was weak in the past.
There is some nice lead guitar work in the bridge and outro.
www.soundclick.com/iplan
The song is titled “KIA or The Martyr.” I want to call it “KIA” (for “Killed In Action”), but that phrase never appears in the lyrics… hence the backup title, “The Martyr.” Anyone have a preference on the title?
All the best,
Iplan
I couldn’t get into KIA - but the lead on ‘God of Wonder’ rocks!
PoppaWillis:
Try it now (www.soundclick.com/iplan), I was updating earlier, and I bet you hit it when I was uploading the latest mixdown (it takes me way to many mixdowns… to get it right).
Thanks for the kudos on The God Of Wonder solo.
I like it too.
Of all my guitar solos (which are not all that many), I think my favorite is the solo on “The Firehouse” - which is also at www.soundclick.com/iplan
All the best,
Iplan