Hear you go. ABSOLUTE proof......

Darwin was right…

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The Latest Darwin Awards


"Yes, it’s that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious
winners.


1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked… And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer…$15.
If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he’d just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car
and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer,
that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that
it was the best laugh he’d had in years.


:D :D :D

TG

:laugh: :D :laugh: Brilliant !

Quote (gtr4him @ May 11 2005,15:40)
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that
it was the best laugh he’d had in years.

Hahahahahahahaha. I would have loved to have seen that.

EDIT: HOLY CRAP. I went to the official Darwin Awards Website and found this:

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Scrotum Self-Repair
1991 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he “needed a doctor who took care of men’s troubles.” The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn’t leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.


That’s the worst thing I’ve ever read.

LOL TG. :D :D :D

Don’t you hate it when that happens Jason? :laugh:

Ali

I don’t know which is better #4 or #9.

I was at a traffic intersection the other day and noticed someone driving down the street while talking on a cell phone. This is normally dangerous on its own, but the guy was holding a talk box (electronic larynx) to his throat with his other hand. Not sure how he was steering. :p

I will have to go with #4 Bubba. Awsum!

Maybe with his feet? ksdb, or knees? or, well, nevermind
:D

His opposable… :D
As for #4, the fact it took them 3 days to figure it out kills me. It is like something out of a Dumb and Dumber movie.

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2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
The chef’s claim was approved.


Mostly because I can relate to it. A LOT of the people where I work ARE this STUPID!

" Er… hey boss? I stuck my hand in the zizz wheel and it yanked my arm off!" "Lessee about that…skricckkk! Yep. Sure enough. Got mine too. D@mn thing must be broke down again…"

TG

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As for #4, the fact it took them 3 days to figure it out kills me.


Bubba, this be Zimbabwe we’re talking about.
It’s actually amazing that it only took 3 days to figure it out.

W.

Hey Wihan, I hear they measure distance out there in days and half-days instead of miles or kilometers. Africa be a BIG place eh?

TG

Tim, yes they do, (altough you have big areas to cover) due to the condition of the roads you can never plan on a distance.

Sometimes (especially from Zimbabwe and Mozambique northwards) it can take you up to 8 hrs to travel 30km (about 18miles)…

Sometimes you can do 60miles in an hour - so yeah, they HAVE to plan in terms of time, rather than distance…

Another candidate for a Darwin award?

Here

TG

ROFLMAO, now I’ve heard it all, that’s not intoxicated, that’s embalmed.

Yeah I can hear him slurring now…“I think… I think… I’ll step… step out… fer a sm… smoke… WHOA!” :D

TG

I’m glad the dude is okay, but man… that’s seriously hilarious. I would have loved to have seen that.

:D :D :D

Isn’t it amazing how many people go out for a drive and leave their brains at home!

I remember one idiot who was driving narrow winding country lanes at night, and decided to reset the odometer button by sticking his arm through the steering wheel.

Unfortunately, as he was entering a tight left hand curve at the time, the steering wheel trapped his arm, and his arm jammed the steering wheel.

No one hurt, just injured sense of sensibility.

The name of the idiot?

Guess. :(

Ali, say it wasn’t you dude!

Actually, while dating my wife,(has it been 31 years ago, jeesh) and leaving a bowling alley just slightly intoxicated,(PBR on tap real cheap) some fellows drove by and whistled at my then girlfriend. I jumped into my car with the intentions of pursuit and one $1.98 can of whoop-ass, but forgot I had parked beside a telephone pole and in my drunken haste, creamed the crap outta my passenger side front quarter panel. Needless to say there was no pursuit or whoop-ass. Just a very down in the dumps I just screwed my car up, YAZ! :(