Liberals, Conservatives and Beer !

Liberals, Conservatives and Beer :laugh:

The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred
some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans
coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the
pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal
innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion
of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: - - -
Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been
invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That’s
how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night while they
were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live
off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women’s
work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of
the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group
therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that
the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in politics at that
time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives
fed them.

Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on
earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Liberal women have more testosterone than their men.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white
wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and french food are on liberal menus. Liberals like
deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments
were Sodom and Gomorrah.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group
therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in
baseball because it wasn’t “fair” to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber
jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works
productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals do not produce anything. They like to “govern” the producers and
decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just
stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

Conservatives have principles, believe in a Creator, and the rule of
law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their
churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the
Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing world.
They believe in the concept of truth.

Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing
production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as
the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because
they always do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They
have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They
cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use the
poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money which they vote
away from conservatives.

Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own
guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They
provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other
foreign criminals.

Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm
conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with
guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the
rule of Law, had no principles except their own self indulgence, and
attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG
government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer.

Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries,
convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been
charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals
from other countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know
the difference between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed
by some liberal from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not
enforce bone-headed statutes, and don’t explain their reasons.

Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the
privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on
juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common
criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything
except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it
against the law to reference any source of law such as the Bible or
Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as they go and do
what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model.

The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A
hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the
owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
inquired, “Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate
your master?” To which the cowboy replied, “That sumbitch ain’t been born

So, what’ll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?

Dammit! I thought this was gonna be a 3 choice poll! :(

But, ROFL, very funny


So, what’ll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?

I assume you mean; “domestic American” as opposed to “domestic Outer Mongolian”?

If so, it’s gotta be “imported”.

Firstly; because American beer tastes like dingo piss.

Secondly; because in the UK, the Liberal Party are right wing, (and so are the Conservative Party strangely enough. It really is interesting not living under a two-party system lol).

And thirdly; because although some Californian wines are not bad, they lack the terroire of the best French wines. (Terroire is what the French call the bits of dirt, toe-jam, duck-sh1t, etc., that drop into the fermentation vat and really give the wine that distinct “sense of place”). :D


Wow A-flat/G. I believe you got it dude. (Except for the beer part.) :D :D :D


Wow, what a powerful argument! And so true and rooted in historical fact. Maybe I should join the club and become a conservative. Then I could hate everyone that’s different from me and never learn anything new too. A word of advice Ali. Take off the white hood, put down your can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and leave the trailer park (figuratively of course, unless you really do live in a trailer park. That would be too funny.) There’s a whole other world there outside the redness. The sheltered life of hate and bigotry that you’ve been brought up with is gonna be a thing of the past in a few generations. You can’t stop a species from evolving, no matter how many lies you tell and how many you’ve been told.

I assume when you say “ali”, you mean “ali” and not “ali”? :(

Anyway Tak, the other Ali only posts to “stir the shit” (as we say in the UK), whereas I post to…hummm, well…

Anyway, nice weather we’re having for the era isn’t it? LOL

Ali :)

No, I don’t mean you. Sorry, I will be more clear next time. You will now be know in this chat as Ali #1 and that other guy with be Ali #2, with a big emphasis on the "#2."

I get the meaning of “stir the shit,” despite it being originated by liberal European women who stayed in Europe when all the conservative men came to America. :D

So according to the “folklore,” conservatives are all men. And they clearly only get along with other conservatives. So by Ali #2’s logic, that makes all conservatives gay and Ali #2 a closet homosexual. Yikes! Come out already, dude. Us liberals are very accepting of that sort of thing.

Seriously, I could care less about what one douchebag says. No, the worst part is that 51% (atleast) of the people in our country agree with him. These people are our real enemies, of America and the world.

I am a true patriot and love the United States more than they ever will. I just fear that if we keep heading in the direction our current leadership is taking us, we will soon crumble and be nothing more than a historical footnote on the bottom of a long list of great past civilizations.

Quote (Ali @ Dec. 02 2004,23:35)
Anyway Tak, the other Ali only posts to "stir the shit"

Speaking of ...... :laugh:

Canadian Border Security

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to work, hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating a Tofu and organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them all," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need, eh?"

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and therapists crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood actor huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The actor was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, Sushi and french bread though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumours have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, listen to Sean Hannity and watch NASCAR.

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And maybe set up some latte and sushi kiosks in the blue states. The president is determined to reach out."

- Author Unknown
Firstly; because American beer tastes like dingo piss.

Hey go easy there Ali. We actually have some good beer but you've got the hunt for it.


I’m yet to find any, and I’ve been trying for years. I’ll agree the Sam Adams variety is a step up from the usual bud/coors/miller/clones, but it’s not to my personal taste. Sierra Nevada tastes like chemicals to me - imagine despoiling the reputation of such a fantastic mountain range (both of them) with such sewerage. Yuengling from PA is probably my fave US brew, but I can’t go too long on that either. US microbrews almost always taste like something is alive in there. Got any suggestions ?


Despite a firm belief that Scotland produces the best of everything, I have to confess, that in my opinion, German beer is unbeatable.

And that’s because of their “Purity Law”, which states that beer may only be brewed by white Aryan, non-semitic, stormtroopers.

Oops! Sorry, no it doesn’t! LOL

After re-checking my facts, the Purity Law states that beer may only contain; fresh potable water, malted barley, hops, and yeast, AND NOTHING ELSE.

No stabilisers, preservatives, enhancers, pig bile, dried fish bladders, etc., etc., etc., just those four ingredients.

But that’ll never happen in the USA, not only do the economics dictate that beer must have along shelf life, but the attorneys (who control the country) dictate that it must be sterile, etc.

The UK was heading down the same road of pints of faintly beer flavoured chemical soup till the actions of a group called CamRA (Campaign for Real Ale), who completely turned the tables around.

The small traditional breweries who were dying became a success again, and even the major breweries had to start making real ale again to satisfy demand.

Mind you, it took time for many pubs to catch up; real ale is a product that has to be stored and cared for expertly, and if it isn’t, you end up with a really foul tasting pint. (But that’s OK, we sell that to tourists. :D )

And through the 70’s and 80’s other things started, the Campaign for real bread, cheese, etc.

I’ve had some micro-brewed beer in the US, and some of ain’t bad, but much of it is.

In Vegas a couple of years ago I ordered a micro-brew, which arrived so cloudy that it was opaque, and it smelt of old socks. When I complained I was told that that’s how micro-brews are!

I think not.


Quote (kymarcus @ Dec. 03 2004,14:19)
I'm yet to find any, and I've been trying for years.

You need to go to Wisconsin! Leinenkugel's baby, some of the best beer on earth.

As for the Candian thing, what a surprise! Ali #2 repasted ANOTHER story that he did not write. Again not including any of his own ideas or thoughts, something that is frowned upon by conservatives anyway, I hear. Maybe that’s why they all say the same thing. You’re a champion of ignorant Americans everywhere. Way to go!


thanks for the tip, shall keep an eye open for it. Always happy to try again :wink: