Monday levity.....

I KNOW you could use some…

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up,
he asks the Lord."God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”

The Lord replies, “A penny.”

Smith asks, “Can I have a penny?”

The Lord replies, “In a minute.”
___



A human male goes to see a human male authority figure whose opinions he respected. “Human male authority figure whos opinion I respect, something terrible is happening and I have
to talk to you about it.” The human male authority figure asked, “What’s wrong?”

The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”

The human male authority figure, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”

The man then pleads, "I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should<br>I do?"

The human male authority figure then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out
and I’ll let you know."A week later the human male authority figure calls the man and says. "Well, I spoke
to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes, and the human male authority figure replied, “Take the poison.”

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:D :D

TG

Ahh, needed that.

OK one more…

Three friends from the local congregation were asked “When you’re in your casket,
and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like
them to say?”

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a Fine spiritual leader,
and a great family man.

"Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant
of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives."

Don said: “I’d like them to say, 'Look, he’s moving!”


:D

TG

Okay, about to go off topic… but why would anyone want to be laid out for a wake? I mean, they basically stuff you like a trophy animal. Shoot me into space or bury same day like a Muslim. Being stuffed is just weird…

Quote (Bubbagump @ Nov. 14 2005,11:31)
Okay, about to go off topic... but why would anyone want to be laid out for a wake? I mean, they basically stuff you like a trophy animal. Shoot me into space or bury same day like a Muslim. Being stuffed is just weird....

Agreed. Personally, I don't give a crap what they do with my remains. I won't need 'em anymore!

TG

Heck…any excuse to get laid sounds ok with me…maybe.

Sean, tell us about asking the girl to get in the ice cold shower first, then to lay perfectly still. :)

Quote (phoo @ Nov. 14 2005,12:07)
Sean, tell us about asking the girl to get in the ice cold shower first, then to lay perfectly still. :)

That sounds creepy... ???

TG

Vomit inducing even… No thanks… I like ‘em warm and jumpin’. I got freezing cold hands and feet laying perfectly still next to me every night!

the second part sounds anti-Semitic to me.

No, sounds more necrophile to me. Thus barf…

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No thanks… I like ‘em warm and jumpin’.


LOL! Right on Bubba… :D

D – here. Hold my lantern. Found me a warm one! (Even though she has a cold…)

Under the circumstances it was acceptable/honorable behavior…and quite funny later.

Yes…dead people. That’s the angle.

Sean’s probably at work and may not see this for a while. So, I’ll just pose a question.

What’s a good way to say no to someone (because you have no intentions of being unfaithful) and she isn’t taking no as an answer?

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What’s a good way to say no to someone that isn’t taking no as an answer because you have no intentions of being unfaithful?


“I SEE!”… said the blind man! LOL!

D

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A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have
to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, "What’s wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should<br>I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out
and I’ll let you know."A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "Well, I spoke
to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."


If told by one Jew to another I’d just say “bad taste,” but in a context in which the religious convictions are ambiguous it marks out a stereotype of the shrewish Jewish wife, and hence counts as anti-Semitic hate speech. Similar to “queer” and “nigger” jokes.

A man goes to see his Pastor. “Pastor, something terrible is happening and I have
to talk to you about it.” The Pastor asked, "What’s wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Pastor, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should<br>I do?"

The Pastor then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out
and I’ll let you know."A week later the Pastor calls the man and says. "Well, I spoke
to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes, and the Pastor replied, "Take the poison."



What’s the opinion now? Personally I read it as someone with a harping wife (fairly universal) going to an authority figure for some advice (again, fairly universal).

I suppose it could be changed to “Some guy goes and sees another guy”.

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What’s a good way to say no to someone (because you have no intentions of being unfaithful) and she isn’t taking no as an answer?


Tell her you’ll let her know once the rash has cleared up.

Willy.

Yes, we live in the United States of the Offended Willy.

None was meant.

D

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Tell her you’ll let her know once the rash has cleared up.

But it’s SO much more fun to watch 'em squirm when they realize the only what they’ll get some is if they act and feel dead.

We’d been on the road a LONG time by then. :)

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Yes, we live in the United States of the Offended Willy.


Shrug I’m not offended, but to call it anti-semetic due to the sterotype of the harping wife is probably a bit sensitive, especially since I figure just about any male would be able to relate to the joke regardless of race or creed…

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But it’s SO much more fun to watch 'em squirm when they realize the only what they’ll get some is if they act and feel dead.


That’s a bit off… Wanna tell us the story?

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That’s a bit off… Wanna tell us the story?

I better not, at least not without asking Sean first. Afterall, he’s married now.