The "I Feel Like I'm Fixin' To Lie" Rag

A little bone to my conservative friends

Well, come on all you Liberal men,
JFK needs your help again
He's got himself in a terrible jam
Tellin' stories 'bout Viet Nam
So drop your remotes and pick up a sign
We're gonna have a real good time!

And it's one, two, three,
What are we squealin' for?
Don't ask me I ain't got a clue
I'm stuck in the Kerry glue
And it's five, six, seven,
Gimme some more Kool-Aid
Well there ain't no time to wonder why
WHOOPEE we're all gonna lie!

Well, let's hit the street like we used to do,
Hanoi Jane can come along too
Pissin', moanin' and a-carryin' signs,
Just like we did back in '69
Apocalypse Now is on our screen
And we're votin' for Martin Sheen!

And it's one, two, three,
What are we squealin' for?
Don't ask me I ain't got a clue
I'm stuck in the Kerry glue
And it's five, six, seven,
Gimme some more Kool-Aid
Well there ain't no time to wonder why
WHOOPEE we're all gonna lie!

Well, rev up that ol' DNC
Any old leftist is fine with me
Barbara Streisand, Barbara Lee
Alcohol saturated Kennedys
Ambulance chasers are all the rage
And we're all on the Moore-on's page!

And it's one, two, three,
What are we squealin' for?
Don't ask me I ain't got a clue
I'm stuck in the Kerry glue
And it's five, six, seven,
Gimme some more Kool-Aid
Well there ain't no time to wonder why
WHOOPEE we're all gonna lie!

Spook lids, SEALs and the CIA
Christmas carols in Cam-boadie-A
Wounded in the ass with Uncle Ben's,
Purple Hearts from the five-and-ten
Runnin' guns through the jungle bog
And he did it with a flyin' dog!

And it's one, two, three,
What are we squealin' for?
Don't ask me I ain't got a clue
I'm stuck in the Kerry glue
And it's five, six, seven,
Gimme some more Kool-Aid
Well there ain't no time to wonder why
WHOOPEE we're all gonna lie!


Lyrics copyright August 2004, Lord Valve/Willie Whittake