WARNING: Some will be offended

New Living Will

New Living Will

I, … , being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own d@mn business, and pay attention instead to the
health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren’t in a permanent vegetative state.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don’t care how many fundamentalist votes they’re trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else’s life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn’t care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don’t know these people, and I certainly haven’t authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living heII.

… …
Signature Witness

Add the following Bill and it’ll be just about perfect…

Any ambulance chasing, scum-bag lawyers who think they sniff a dollar or two to be made by “representing” me against my wishes shall be squirted from head to toe with the contents of my Colostomy bag and beaten senseless. The same applies tenfold to any members of the “media” who “smell” a story. Afterwards, they will indeed smell. Now. Leave me alone.

There. Perfect. :) :)

TG

Hi Bill,
thinking about myself just one suggestion:
maybe you should be a little more specific in “a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer”. Otherwise you will have a lot of people deciding how much is that for you.
72 hours in my case.
:D

Great :laugh:

Do you think it would be possible to have beer put into the feeding tube?!?!

Quote (gtr4him @ April 06 2005,16:48)
...any ambulance chasing, scum-bag lawyers...

Isn't that redundant?

In any event, good suggestion!
Quote (makako @ April 06 2005,16:55)
Hi Bill,
thinking about myself just one suggestion:
maybe you should be a little more specific in "a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer". Otherwise you will have a lot of people deciding how much is that for you.
72 hours in my case.
:D

Well, edit it to suit your circumstances.

For me, it wouldn't be anywhere near 72 hours.
Quote (Mr Soul @ April 06 2005,17:00)
Great :laugh:

Do you think it would be possible to have beer put into the feeding tube?!?!

Beer in the feeding tube?

Hmmm -

Wait a minute. I may have to rethink this whole thing.

Hi Bill:
There was quite a discussion on this subject, today, on the job… My driver has a son who has passed his Bar Exam and is a NEW Lawyer, in the legal buisness… The story has it, this is becomming Big Buisness, around these parts, in the Legal Profession… They are attempting to write a document that will “Stand” and, that it has a few “Loopholes” as can be detected… The idea being, that these documents can be contested by who remains, in the the Famlies…

Material Assets, Greedy Relatives,and "Shister Lawyers, go Hand-in-Hand… :O ??? :p Well…

Bill…

[EDIT]
Beer in my Feeding Tube?? Ah-Ah Ah-Ah… Just give me a double shot of morphene… lol…

I’m not sure about this feeding tube stuff. I can see some employer getting rid of lunch breaks, and with other properly inserted tubes, all kinds of rest breaks…eeeeeEEEwww…let me go now (for a variety of reasons)!

Now, don’t pick on lawyers, or I am going to be offended, deeply… :)

Hi TomS:
That was painting the thought of the idea with a very big brush… Sorry Tom…

The legal community is a very nessessary community to make a document stand… But debating, is and has to be, a person’s strong attribute to become a lawyer… So, in saying that, a lawyer has to wear the “Hat” of the person who hires him/her to project and stand behind their client’s word… I think there’s a “Oath” that the lawyer swears to… when he is admitted to the “Bar”… Is that not right?? To act on his parties behalf… To the Limit-of-the Law… Or something like that?? Well… I think the term “Shister” may have ben and is recognized as a term for a very agressive Legal Person…

Is that better Tom?? hehehe… lol…

Bill…

Do you know what happens if you give Viagra to a lawyer?

He gets taller.

:D :D :D :D

OK, OK come on with the lawyer jokes now. :)

BillClarke … TomS… I gotta admit… lol… Good one… hehehe…

I’ll back you up till your nose bleeds… :p

But these Living Wills are a big rage here…

Bill…

Designate CONGRESSMAN TOM DELAY (R-TX) as Your Health Care Surrogate


LIVING WILL DIRECTIVE

My wishes regarding life-prolonging treatment and artificially provided nutrition and hydration to be provided to me if I no longer have decisional capacity, have a terminal condition, or become permanently unconscious have been indicated by checking and initialing the appropriate lines below. I specifically:

Designate CONGRESSMAN TOM DELAY (R-TX) as my health care surrogate to make health care decisions for me in accordance with this directive when I no longer have decisional capacity. If CONGRESSMAN TOM DELAY (R-TX) refuses or is not able to act for me, I designate SENATOR BILL FRIST (R-TN) as my health care surrogate(s). Any prior designation is revoked.

My designated surrogate shall comply with my wishes as indicated below:

(the rest is at the website link below)

from:
http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/index.php?id=2072

Oh my… that guy needs to get a job…

TG

Quote (TomS @ April 07 2005,12:05)
OK, OK come on with the lawyer jokes now. :)

Oldie -

Q: What do you call 5,000 lawyers laid end-to-end at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start.

First Lawyer: "I’m bored. Let’s go screw someone."

Second Lawyer: “Out of what?”