New Song (Please give another try)

Jazz/Hip-Hop Instrumental

Trying now. Please let me know if links work and song critique. Thanks for your patience.


Joshua (streaming)

Joshua for Download (right-click and pick “save target as”)

I’m sorry bro, but that is terrible, and sombody had to tell you.

It sounds like the music to a video game called,“Paper Boy”.
How you get Hip-Hop out of that circus music, I’ll never know, but hey a vocal can change everthing.
As it stands it’s like on of those keyboard samples on a kids toy keyboard.
I hope those guys over at CC, can help make this a song, stranger things have happened over there, and it wouldn’t suprise me if they were all over this one.

How does, Simon say on American Idol? Oh yeah, It’s like a cross between a musical and a horror movie. Ok, so it’s not that bad, since no-one is singing.–teehee

The levels seemed ok, just get rid of all the intruments(especially the church organ) and start over. For goodness sakes, get yourself some good Sly and the Family Stone, and Parliment(George Clinton) vinyl record samples and take it from there. That’s what Dre did and now he’s multi platnum, my nizzy.

keep shinin’ and good luck,


I’d have to agree that it does sound kind of like circus. I’d also classify this in the jazz and not hip hop. I think if some of the backgruound instruments were changed around to maybe a piano, bass guitar, it would sound a little better. As of right now, it is a little over-synthed. but that is my own personal opinion. Its what makes you happy that counts.

It might be a lot better if it was’nt all in “MIDI” tones. But yep circus, video game, sports arena organ.
Did you used to work at the mall demoing those organs?
Can you reassign the instrument patches?
Good luck, and dont get shot down.

oh, whats’ CC? I take it its another forum board?

I'm sorry bro, but that is terrible, and sombody had to tell you.

That's direct baby, no beating around the bush there. You're putting your heart out here, and along comes 'brutally honest' Jeremy. Don't give up - that which doesn't kill you - only makes you better right?

The first thing I noticed is that the beat is too straight, doesn't groove. Go with a little syncopation, i.e. beats 2/4 rather than 1/3. All commentary of instrumentation aside, the arrangement is pretty good, good chord structure, clear melodic sense, and the recording is good.

1. Lacks a hook, I'm not getting anything that stays with me, I can't find a central theme to it. My composition professor would say "Fruit Salad" lots of variation, but lacking a theme. I know theres a hook in there somewhere - it's just not standing out.
2. Timing - too square, add some swing, syncopation.
3. Tempo - Too fast, there's a lot of good melodic content in there, but it goes by too fast to really catch it.

The combination of the calliope organ and the very straight timing gives it that 'circus' or merry-go-round feeling. If you're using a drum sequencer (fruity/hydrogen/etc..) crank up the swing/triplet control to try and break that and give it little funk. It's really hard to get that feel with a straight sequencer - think dotted eighth notes.