Nice rant...


HARTFORD, Conn. Apr 7, 2005 — The state Senate on Wednesday approved a bill that would make Connecticut the first state, absent court pressure, to recognize civil unions between same-sex couples.

… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if all you same-sex fancy lads and girly-girls out there are truly and sincerely eager to take that long walk down the aisle and settle down into the monotone morass of marital malaise, have at it!!

Please, let me be the first to welcome you…to bank-busting mortgages, endless parking lots, overpriced and understaffed daycare centers, the infinite parade of sun-deprived callow-fleshed suburban fatties attired, with no sense of irony whatsoever, in top-of-the-line sportswear. Welcome to the malls of screaming children and polyester pod people. Welcome to the rueful sidelong glances of covetous neighbors. Welcome to lawn care and tree management services, and the poetical music of the drip-drip against bathroom tile, breaking the quiescence of a summer rainstorm as you realize that it’s not the plumbing—it’s the roof. Welcome to severe and unrelenting taxation. Welcome to the land of gas-guzzling SUVs, all adorned with a yellow ribbon conveying thanks to our troops for dying to preserve our ready access to petroleum. Hence, welcome to gas prices. But above all, welcome to TV viewing. For out here on the sprawl of government-endorsed monogamy, there is no theater, there are no book stores, no clubs, no ampitheaters, no performance spaces of any kind. You could detonate a nuclear device and never touch a museum. There are parks, but they are full of little-leaguers whose parents have paid a substantial nut for the right to play there, so please stick to the sidewalk. The restaurants all have the same name, and they’re all located at or near the mall. You can buy anything you want, from stores as big as a city block, but there is no one there to help you find anything.

Also, welcome to golf.

Of course, within this land of magic and mystery, you’ll be happily bathing in the wellspring of your officiated and duly codified love, yes? And I’m sure the sex is going to be overwhelming in its tender velocity, frequency and variety. And that’s what you’re looking for, isn’t it? An endless continuum of the exact same thing. Over and over. ‘Til death do you part. Or at least until……actually no. That’s it. No more “until.” Together, until death. Good luck you two! You really are an adorable couple…

Enjoy the honeymoon. You’d better.

From your post, I would guess that you are happily married, eh Clark?



wasn’t my rant, rather a friend of mine…

Just thought it funny.

"the infinite parade of sun-deprived callow-fleshed suburban fatties attired, with no sense of irony whatsoever, in top-of-the-line sportswear"